Year of Now

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I don’t do vision boards.

To be honest, they scare me.

No, really.  See, I’m a recovering perfectionist control-freak.  In real speak, that means that I don’t deal well with failure or the inability to see and control the future.  But I’m working on it.

I said I’m working on it.

For most people, a vision board is a wonderful tool that allows them to visualize their desires and more effectively work toward them.  It’s all sunshine and daffodils.  In my hands, a vision board is a recipe for disaster.  I’m talking low budget, Sci-Fi channel kind of disaster.

“Visualizing my desires” morphs into “charting a detailed course of events that will lead to only one acceptable outcome”.  “Effectively working toward” those desires becomes “driving an unstoppable, unforgiving train” toward that single outcome and no other.

Notice the complete lack of room for “life”.  So when “life”, i.e. “shit” happens, inevitably altering the course and sending the train barreling down the tracks toward a brick wall… Well, you know how hard it is for a train to change course on the fly.

So no, I won’t be vision boarding.  In fact, I won’t be looking forward at all.  I have declared 2016 as my “Year of Now”.

Because “Now” is kind of amazing.  “Now” is a time in which so many of my prayers of the last five years have been answered.  My son’s mental health has improved.  My wife and I live together.  I have a career that I love.  I have a boss and co-workers who value me.  A community of like-minded women surrounds me. I have a doctor who listens to me.

Even as I type these words, I am overcome with a sense of awe.  I am truly in awe of the life with which I have been blessed.  In fact, I would say that I’m living in a state of abundance.  And I will stop, right here, right “Now”, and recognize it for the miracle that it is.

I want to soak in it like a hot bath.  I want to roll around in it like a pig in mud.  A cute pig.  Like Wilbur from Charlotte’s Web.

Lest there be any concern, I am still over-achieving, slightly neurotic, can’t-sit-still-to-save-her-life me. My “Now” is not sedentary.  I continue to strive, just differently.  Instead of declaring my goals, I pray for direction.  And I wait patiently until that direction is given.

You gotta admit that asking for directions beats barreling into brick walls.

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